Living as an American Expat in Italy, The Pros and Cons

By: Marian F.

When I first learned that my husband and I were going to move to Italy, I was excited. I was also very nervous about how different it would be or how I would get by with the language barrier, and if the people would be welcoming. There was so much I didn’t know, especially because neither of us had ever been to Italy. Nevertheless, there we were, about to become American expats in Italy. 

It seemed crazy, just a bit bananas, to pack up our entire lives and move to a foreign country we had never been to before. We were comfortable in San Diego and it was very scary for me to leave that warm and cozy feeling that I had come to know and love, but it was time to leave – time for an adventure. 

Andrew was going to get his PhD and I was going to teach English online. It was going to be new and I was going to learn a lot about myself.

Moving somewhere new is intimidating no matter where. Even if it is just having to deal with packing and finding a place to live. It can be (or at least feel like) a monstrous ordeal when moving across an ocean. Here I have listed some things that I have learned about living as an American expat in Italy, and just some things we have had to get used to. 

I am going to get into the gritty details of my experiences. Becoming an expat is not all eating, traveling, and joyful times. It can be hard.  Stupid hard. 

The Bad (let’s get it out of the way)

Bureaucracy is just as bad as they say

You may have heard rumors of the bureaucracy in Italy, how it is slow, nonsensical, and just plain hit-your-head-against-the-wall frustrating. Well, it’s all true. It isn’t just for expats either.  It’s for locals as well. They have the same feelings as expats, so don’t assume it’s something against you. 

For us, it started in the United States when Andrew was working on attaining his student visa. Dealing with the consulate was a complete headache and we hadn’t built up our thick skins yet. The woman he was “working” with was unresponsive to emails and would be annoyed anytime he called as though he should already know all of the answers to his questions. Plus, she told us false information about how I would be able to get to Italy as his spouse. UGH!!! Some choice words were said more than once. 

Then, the special thing expats get to deal with next is their residency permits – the joy! We ended up breaking down, essentially giving up, and hiring lawyers to take care  of everything. Not knowing the language, the customs, or the process, it was worth the reduced pains and frustrations. 

Eventually, it was taken care of and 9 months later we had our cards. Unfortunately,  they were only good for a whole 2.5 months after we received them. The process then repeated, and here we are, waiting…again. 

The Language is HARD (and COVID doesn’t make it easier to learn)

Here is my advice: Start taking lessons with an actual teacher before even leaving. We used the apps BUSUU and DUOLINGO, and they taught us some key phrases, but just not enough since it’s really best to practice speaking to others. 

My saying that the language is hard is purely objective. For some, it comes easily, but for me, it has been a real struggle. I take weekly lessons online (thanks COVID!) and I still struggle to get by in my daily life. Part of it is just due to a lack of confidence, especially around my friends for some reason. I know I need to buck up and just use it, screw up, and then learn how to fix it. 

Some of our friends learned very quickly.  They quickly were immersed in the language and weren’t around English-speaking people very often so they had to learn. Andrew and I just easily slip into our native tongue when together, which is most of the time. 

So a tip I have is to not do what I have, don’t avoid using what you have learned. At least here in Pisa, people don’t mind if you mess up. Most locals will gladly help you correct any mistakes. Sometimes the shopkeepers will know English, but we have started to only speak to them in Italian, even if they use English.  (It’s so easy for them to peg us as English speakers!)

So anyway, I personally struggle with Italian. I struggle with getting out of my comfort zone and just going for it. I hope you try your best. The locals will really appreciate it, and it shouldn’t be expected that they know English. It isn’t their native language after all and we should be adapting to a new normal. Just try to imagine how you’d feel if someone visiting your country just expected you to speak their language.

Expat anxiety/depression is REAL

Okay, so this is the section that makes me the most anxious to write, which is ironic. I don’t usually share such personal experiences, not even with family outside of Andrew, my husband. I am trying to be more comfortable with who I am, to realize it is okay to struggle as long as I ask for help when I need it. Like many people, I have depression and do need help. 

I am speaking as the spouse that followed her husband for his job/school (the person it’s typically harder for). I also am someone that has dealt with mental issues before, and they really pop up when I undergo a major change in life. Guess what, moving away from everything and everyone you know in the middle of a pandemic is a BIG change! 

Also, something that I have really struggled with, is feeling as though I no longer have a purpose. I don’t have a job that I love (other than this blog, which I do love). I make friends and then they move. I am frustrated that I am not further in my ability to speak the language, I miss my family…the list goes on. 

I feel isolated. Alone. 

My self-confidence has been at an all-time low. When a friend asks if I want to meet up, I immediately think they have some problem with me they are going to talk about. I fear I will get in trouble for literally everything that I do. I am plagued by intrusive thoughts that tell me I am a monster.  It’s like having a war in my brain every day. 

When I first had these problems (years ago), I was scared, terrified, angry, and whatever other feeling is simply exhausting. I was ashamed of what was happening in my mind. It took me ages to talk to Andrew about any of it, even though he is the most supportive and understanding person. He knows me, he knows I am not a monster, but his reassurance didn’t work for me. He has to say that, right? 

Since then, I have learned more about myself. I have learned that I can go to Andrew but that I will also need a doctor. Oh great, I had to find a doctor in Italy and that couldn’t possibly be an additional stressor. Eventually, I found one who spoke English, and he has helped me a lot. I still struggle. I have bad days, but now I have good days, too (yay!).

Anyway, it’s okay to not be okay. Mental health is so important to nurture, and sometimes you need help watering the plants. And sometimes those plants need some medicine, which is okay too. After looking into it, I have learned that this type of depression is actually very common among expats, and COVID has made it even harder for people living abroad. So know you are not alone if this happens to you. 

Some things I have made myself do in order to get myself out in the world include: going to dance classes, inviting people to coffee, inviting people to our home for game nights, reaching out in Facebook groups for friends, accepting invitations, and saying yes to going out. But, I really have to make a conscious effort to say yes to these things as they all make me feel anxious. I learned that I probably won’t dance anymore, it just doesn’t spark joy so why stress myself out over it?

Most of the time I just want to stay home even though I am also sick of being at home. It’s weird.

*Note: I am not a doctor or mental health professional of any kind.  Please seek professional help if you need it. This is all personal experience. 

COVID-19 CAN EAT MY SHORTS!! 

Yeah, Andrew has been watching The Simpson’s, but really. COVID is the complete worst! Like most people, I HATE it. It has made every little thing a million times harder. From getting to Italy to eating inside a restaurant. Oh, and my parents are supposed to come in a couple of weeks and omicron has reared its ugly head. Potentially ruining my chance of seeing them for the first time in a year. 

Finding a social circle can be challenging

As if it isn’t already hard enough to find friends as you get older, it’s even harder when you live in a foreign country where they speak a different language. Even if you find cool people, if they are all Italian they will obviously want to speak Italian together. That’s totally fine, it makes sense, but it can be difficult if you are still learning. It can be isolating, you really really want to join in on the conversation, you understand bits and pieces, but it’s going so fast, and you are so slow and stumble…ahhhh! What to do?!?! 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great practice to immerse yourself in the language, but my brain gets tired. I am working so hard to translate everything I can.  Sometimes I hear a word and have to go through my mental glossary to remember what it means. And then I am a million miles behind when I jump back to the conversation. Oh and don’t even get me started on grammar! Okay, you get the gist, I struggle with Italian. 

We have made good friends through Andrew’s school group, but of course the problem with befriending students is that they grow up, graduate, and move for stupid jobs. This happened in San Diego and it’s happening to us now. Granted, we will do the same thing in a couple of years to someone else. It’s a vicious cycle. 

Some people say they have a hard time making friends with Italians as they already have a network of friends and family. Yes, I see this everywhere, so why would this very family-based culture be any different? Luckily I met a super cool Italian who is a little against the grain and will hang out with me. 

The Good

YOU MOVED TO ITALY (or are on your journey)!!!

Way to go! Congratulations! This is the dream of many and the reality of few. Yeah, there are some pitfalls, but in all reality, Italy is rad. I live in Tuscany, and it is BEAUTIFUL!! 

Yeah, it may have sucked getting here, the culture shock may be overwhelming at first, or after the excitement wears off, but you have done something amazing. You are so brave! So independent (even if you moved with someone else). You are, simply put, a hero. You are an American expat!

For us, it was at first a dream to live abroad, and then it became a goal. To our surprise, we achieved this goal! We climbed ice-covered mountains coated in spiders, but we made it down off the range and into Italy. Don’t take it for granted that you did this. I know that I do sometimes, and I have to be reminded that I fought and won the bureaucracy battle. I am fighting the mental-health battle, but come hell or high water, I will win that too. 

The Food

I couldn’t leave out the food.  After all this is Italy. Everyone knows that Italy is famous for its food. And no, it’s nothing like The Olive Garden. That place is something completely different. It is cool if you like it, but Olive Garden just isn’t real Italian food. I am going to leave it at that.

The food here will blow your socks off. 

The train is AWESOME

Rumor has it that Italy doesn’t have the best rail system around, but what I know for sure is it is exponentially better than the USA’s. We can hop on the train and head almost anywhere. Venice? No problem. Rome? Bologna? Milan? The list goes on, hop on the train, sit back and relax. There is no dealing with traffic, just a zooming train. 

We take the train whenever we can. We took it twice this past weekend. Once to Lucca for some Christmas shopping and once to Rapallo for some seaside time with friends. Easy peasy. 

A new culture

The United States is big, and it has a lot of regions filled with different micro cultures. So it may seem like it’s not big news that Italy is a new culture, but let me tell you, there is nothing like moving to a new country. 

Becoming an American expat in Italy should include learning the cultural similarities and differences from what you are used to. For instance, Italy has a big coffee culture like the US, but the coffee is tiny. Forget about endless mugs of joe. You get a tiny espresso or, if it’s before 1 pm, then you can have a cappuccino. Starbucks are not a thing except for big cities, and even then it’s rare. I am used to this now so that when I do have a large cup of coffee I typically can’t finish it. 

Another change to get used to is that you buy your water at bars or restaurants.  It always comes bottled. Also, there are no free refills. Customer service is much less intrusive than in the US, so yay, no one asking how things are going when your mouth is full of pizza. 

Being immersed in a new culture definitely can be hard. You may miss the comforts of home, but try your best to make this new culture your new normal. I am still working on it, so we can do it together. 

Traveling is (relatively) easy

If it wasn’t for COVID-19, we could just hop on a plane and be in Prague in less than 2hrs. How cool is that!? You could take the train to Paris in 6hrs. It’s unreal how close everything is here. Even in Italy, it’s only the size of California, so going somewhere like Sicily is a simple plane ride. I am excited to go to Sicily to enjoy some cannoli. 

Not only do you get to enjoy the fountains of wine and endless dishes of pasta, but you can also take frequent trips around Europe and beyond! How fantastic! I can’t wait for this pandemic to be over so that we can travel more. Oh and we need that pesky residency card, but let’s not ruin one of our good things with that. 

Oh, the joy of being an American expat in Italy. It truly is a joy. 

History

Around every corner is another ancient and historical landmark. The number of churches is overwhelming. Even when you are hiking out in nature you can come across ruins of cultures from the past. It is almost overwhelming how much history there is in Italy. The USA is just a baby compared to Europe and so it is such a unique feeling to touch the stones that people used to build their homes a thousand years ago. 

Rome. I could go on about Rome and the history of that city. It is pretty much a giant metropolitan-sized museum. Entering the Colosseum is momentous.  You are transported back in time. Truly amazing. 

Renting is great for the renter

Finding an apartment or home can be difficult at first, and learning how to deal with realtors or landlords can be a challenge. Make sure to read your contract and don’t be afraid to ask for amendments. Typically they want a 6-month warning before you move out.  We asked to change that down to 3. 

Once you have signed your contract it is pretty much free sailing. It is almost impossible for a landlord to evict you, even if you don’t pay. Of course I recommend being honest and paying for your home. The law is on the renter’s side though.  You have the peace of mind of knowing you have a home for at least 4 years. Yeah, the contracts are for 4 years! 

There You Have It

Alright, I will fess up, I wrote a lot more about the bad parts of being an American expat in Italy. That is only because I want to be really upfront and honest. Also, they are things I have or am presently dealing with in my expat life. So, it really means a lot to me that everyone is aware that even though it is amazing to become an expat, especially in Italy, it has its downsides as well. 

Don’t forget that you are fantastic. Even just starting to think about becoming an American expat is impressive. I truly wish you the best of luck and hope you achieve all of your goals, no matter how lofty they may be. 

Happy traveling!

Wondering about our journey to Italy? Find out more here:

Becoming American Expats

About US